Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
