it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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