even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
