Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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