He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
