I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
