Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
