i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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