I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
