Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
smell my finger.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
