You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
