I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
