I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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