I got chris browned last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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