If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
