So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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