not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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