smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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