There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
