I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
