I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
