I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
