Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
