had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
