would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
