So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
