He told me they were just razor bumps!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
