Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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