Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
not ubering you a puppy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
