There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
