Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
