I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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