Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
