Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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