My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
