He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
