You're my little dorito
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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