It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
