We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
