i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
