can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
