I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
