I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
