never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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