its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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