Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
