You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
