I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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