Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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