Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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