U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
