the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
